


Still Waters Run Deep

by YaellNovella



Category: Naruto
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-06
Updated: 2016-03-05
Packaged: 2018-04-07 23:32:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 10
Words: 9,734
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4282164
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YaellNovella/pseuds/YaellNovella
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Memories of the past are never easy to let go of. Not if you lost someone, not if you wish for a second chance, and especially not if the present is a sour thing. Uchiha Itachi, one of the men most wished dead or imprisoned, who everyone wishes to suffer. He never had the time to cope with Shisui's death, to mourn him, or to tell him the things he wished he'd told him. A self-imposed illusion gives him a sore replacement for what he needs, a chance to see his long-dead friend again. Sort of an alternate universe but still plausible to see as fitting into the canon.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The boy with no eyes

**Author's Note:**

> \- Sort of an AU, yet still written to fit into the canon.  
> \- The name "Shisui" means 'Still/stagnant water' if read as one word. However, an alternate reading 'death water' can refer to how he died. This work's title is a reference to the first reading/meaning.

Long days and silent nights were often quite his favourite. There was something about the silence of the evening that set his wandering mind at ease so well. Perhaps it was just the fact that he had some time to think, to wander in the past and reflect on the future, though he preferred the past.

Moments long gone, but what he had now would never match up to what he used to have. He regretted much of what had happened, yet at the same time he knew that he’d make the same decision over and over again if need be.

A glance over his shoulder verified that his partner was sleeping. He didn’t quite like the man, nor loathed him for that matter, but there was a respect for him that he couldn’t deny. He was strong, and his nickname was well-earned. He couldn’t know for certain, of course, but he had a feeling that their working together impacted him in a way that few people could comprehend.

In a way, he found his company to be quite pleasant. Not often he had to talk himself, not quite one for lengthy conversations, yet even though he never showed, he enjoyed listening to the other. A fearsome man, in truth, at least in appearance. Unlike himself, whose appearance showed much less of the danger within.

He stood up, realizing that a few drops of rain were starting to fall. He didn’t mind the rain, yet at the same time, he hated water. If anyone knew, they’d suggest it was because of his own ‘fiery nature’, but the truth was far from it. It was death that made a chill run down his spine. Death by water, but not his own death. It had been years since, but the boy with no eyes still haunted every silent moment – and they were quite a few.

Yet he didn’t mind the haunting. Memories were all he had left. Well, memories and ‘what if’-thoughts. What if he hadn’t died? What if their objective hadn’t failed? What if... what if, what if, what if? There was nothing that could bring him back, nothing but his mind. But maybe, his mind was more than enough. His mind, and the power of illusion, that is.

He walked outside, into the rain. It was the perfect way to hide the rare tears that escaped his dark eyes, to cool down his heated mind and to get lost in his own thoughts. He stopped near a puddle, looking at his own face, staring at his own eyes. The black turned red, and a wheel appeared at its centre. He didn’t use his powers often, and never before had tried to use them on himself. But that alternate world, that illusion... Now more than ever, he needed it.

 

* * *

 

He blinked a few times, slightly confused to what the hell just happened. A strange dizziness had come over him, and he pressed his hand against his forehead, trying to get the light pounding of a headache to go away. Turning around, he saw his partner was still sleeping, however the raining had stopped and the sun was long gone. Just how long had he stood there, thinking?

Not that it mattered. He was tired and weary, desperate for some sleep, even though nothing about him gave it away. Quiet as a cat he walked inside the cave again, sitting down on the cold, hard floor, which made him long for the wood he grew up on as a kid. How his little brother squirmed himself into his arms when the thunder raged on, he’d never forget. Not because the child was frightened, but he loved the lightning, and it was worth waking up Itachi for.

When he closed his eyes, he could hear the leaves rustle in the wind, the sounds of some night birds in the distance and, even further away, a wolf howling. Sleep, he thought. It hadn’t faded from his mind yet when his consciousness was taken over by a sweet slumber that carried him into a night full of dreams.


	2. A surprise to dream of

“Get up, lazy ass”, a voice called next to him. His eyes flung open. He was used to being woken, but not in such... oddly cheerful way, and definitely not by a voice like that, young, bright and lively. He turned his head, and his eyes caught another dark gaze, accompanied by messy hair and a gorgeous smile. “You wouldn’t want to miss out on the preparations. This was your idea, after all”, the young man said as he poked the other’s forehead playfully.

“Preparations...?” Itachi asked, crawling on his feet. What the hell did he miss out on? What was going... Oh, right. Sasuke’s birthday, the surprise they planned for him... “Oh”, was all that came out of his mouth, and his friend looked at him with an ‘are you kidding’-face. “He’s turning eighteen tomorrow, how can you forget? Seriously, you never forget anything when it comes to him.”

“I didn’t forget, Shisui”, the other objected quietly. “I just... wasn’t paying attention.” A weird feeling in his stomach told him nothing about this was right, yet he elected to ignore it, for maybe it wasn’t right, it still felt _good_. He reached out his hand, and the other grabbed it to pull him back on his feet. “Riiiiight”, Shisui teased him. “So where should we do it? Right by the river?”

Itachi abruptly snapped a sharp “no” at the other, who gave him a startled look. “Scared of water, little fireball?” he asked with a risen eyebrow. “No”, Itachi said, gentler this time. “Just... I don’t know, a bad feeling about... rivers and water.” Shisui shrugged, finding the situation to be an odd one, yet he paid it no mind. Itachi had his moments, but his intuition was sharp and spot-on, as to be expected for one of the village’s most revered shinobi.

“Whatever you wish”, he said, wrapping an arm around the other’s shoulders. “You’re old enough now, aren’t you. You’ve grown up since... Well, you know.” Itachi frowned. He knew? He glanced at Shisui, and a faint memory of the Kotoamatsukami shot through his mind. “Oh, right, the coup”, he said. “No, no, the coup _we prevented_ ”, Shisui corrected the other with a little wink. “Don’t forget the important parts, Itachi.”

He let go of the other then. “How about the forest?” he suggested. “Or maybe we could use one of the training fields, where he got Kakashi assigned as his sensei, perhaps that’d be a fun idea.” A short second of silence remained before Itachi finally nodded. “I think he’d appreciate that, the training field”, he agreed.

“Should we ask his foxy friend?” Shisui wanted to know. “His ridiculous amount bunshin could be useful.” Itachi laughed briefly at that. He wouldn’t ever forget the lively dumb blond thing, however he had to admit that he was glad Sasuke had found a friend like that. And the dumb thing had grown up to be quite a formidable warrior, as he’d proven in the war with Madara and Kaguya.

“Too many bunshin will make it difficult to move around, though”, he stated then. “Otherwise it sounds like a good idea.” An indefinable huff agreed with him on that one as Shisui’s shoulder slumped a little. “He can be a pain in the ass”, he admitted. “You’re sounding like my father”, Itachi stated. “Soon you’ll grow as grumpy and distant”, he then warned, which caused his friend to laugh. “Don’t be so hard on your old man”, Shisui urged his friend. “He shouldn’t be so hard on Sasuke either.”

They walked off together, enjoying the warm summer sun shining down on them. “I’ll help you with the invitations”, Shisui offered, a teasing grin dancing on his lips. “I’ll copy your handwriting with my Sharingan to make it look like you wrote them all.” Itachi smiled again now too. It felt like it had been a long while since he’d felt so careless, yet it did him good. “Don’t bother with that, I’ll just send some Narutos around to tell everyone”, he joked, though Shisui proclaimed it was a ‘genius plan’ and ‘totally only Itachi could think of something like that’.

 

* * *

 

When they arrived at the training field, the three familiar wooden poles waited for them. Itachi glanced aside, and before he realized how or what, he felt a sudden playfulness tingle. He shot forward. “Last at the pole is an idiot”, he teased, knowing that Shisui was probably still faster than he was – he’d gotten that nickname for a reason. Yet Shisui was so taken by surprise he only realized what the other had said when Itachi was already halfway there.

“Oi, that’s cheating”, he called out, rushing after the younger Uchiha. “Is not, ninja need good reflexes”, Itachi stated as he squatted on top of the middle pole, looking down onto the other. “Good point”, Shisui sighed, pouting a little. “You shouldn’t bully me so much, though”, he then stated, pointing at the other. “For one, I’m your senpai. Secondly, I’m still awesome.”

Itachi agreed on his words as he jumped down, landing gracefully next to the man he considered his friend and his brother. Shisui gently poked his forehead, having taken over that habit from Itachi who constantly kept doing that to his poor little brother’s head. “You really shouldn’t use that against me”, he protested, rubbing the sore spot.

“You’re the one who constantly claims it’s a sign of love”, Shisui shrugged, still grinning. “There are a lot of signs of love, you don’t need to steal mine”, Itachi complained.  “Come on, I brought lunch”, Shisui stated as he gestured at the trees. “Let’s eat.”

The two of them sat down to enjoy the fresh rice, Shisui commenting on how beautiful the weather was, while Itachi quietly stuffed his face at a speed even Minato himself would be impressed by. Only when he looked up, his vision was a bit blurry. He frowned, rubbed his eye a bit and then took a second glance.

“It’s getting late”, the deep voice of his partner sounded. “You’ve been sleeping for a long time, senpai”, Kisame stated. “Seems like you needed the rest.” A sigh escaped the elder one’s lips. “Still need it”, he declared as he got back on his feet. “Why, had a nice dream?” the tall one enquired. But to that question, he’d never get a reply. “Let’s just get on with the search”, Itachi decided.


	3. Passage to the other world

Being left with his own thoughts was both a blessing and a curse. By nature, he was a thinker, something which showed in the way he did battle and used his own skill to his advantage. Even those that knew him, knew of him and knew his abilities more often than not lost to his wit and speed.

The weather still wasn’t as great as he’d hoped, but his colleague didn’t seem to mind as much.  The only noise that sounded was the soft ticking of the rain, and the gentle tingling of the bell attached to their hats as the wind brushed by. Small puddles were forming by the side of the road, and in each one he could see his own figure reflected, however brief it might be.

“I could do with a tea break”, Kisame’s voice eventually broke the silence as the sun was climbing, even though its attempts to shine its rays onto the earth were constantly blocked by the clouds. Itachi looked up at the sky. “I hear you”, he said then, giving the idea a brief thought. “I wouldn’t say no to dango either.”

A short, rough laugh escaped Kisame’s throat then as he grinned broadly. “You sure you’re not part of that what’s-their-name-fatso-clan of Konoha?” he wanted to know, teasing his senpai. Even though it sounded insulting, Itachi knew that the sheer fact that Kisame was aware of the Akimichi and bothered to mention them, was a sign of acknowledgement of their power.

“Pretty sure, unless they have developed the Sharingan too”, Itachi said, not showing any sign of humour. “If I’m not mistaken, there should be a tea shop at the next T-crossing.” Kisame agreed that they should stop there then, as he recalled the lady didn’t see well and was so old she probably wouldn’t remember them either, provided they didn’t attract too much attention.

The latter assumption wasn’t quite right, however. It had been the cosy old lady’s late husband who continually forgot everything, but his wife, oh she even remembered the day a man with hair as bright as the sun had showed up for the first time, and she remembered every single time he’d been there since, even though it hadn’t been often. But as chatty as she was, she didn’t spill the beans on her customers.

As she left the table, after putting the dango and tea on it, Kisame leant a little closer towards the other. “Say, if we ever get a mission to kill this one, I won’t take it”, he stated. “The tea smells to good and she’s the only person alive to not give me these... looks.” Itachi knew what he meant; Kisame didn’t quite look like your average young man.

A single risen eyebrow from the Uchiha made Kisame quickly correct himself. “She and you, of course, senpai”, he said so quickly it almost made the other smile. Almost, but not quite. As usual, he kept his silence, his eyes trailing to the raindrops that fell off the edge of the roof, filling a puddle. His own image stared back at him, and without really knowing why, he could feel the black turn to red as the wheel of his eyes found its way to the surface.

 

* * *

 

“Itachi”, the familiar voice of his friend woke him up. He was sitting in the local tea shop, Shisui sliding next to him. “I knew I could find you here, you dango-obsessed Uchiha.” Laughter emerged then, and this time, the smile came easily to the younger one’s face.

“Shisui, it’s good to see you”, he greeted the other, offering him one of the colourful sweets. His friend gratefully accepted, stole one of the bolls from the stick and then poked it to Itachi’s mouth, feeding it to him whether he wanted it or not.

“I had an idea”, Shisui said as Itachi was trying to chew down the dango that had been put inside his mouth. A little noise was all he could give as indication he was interested. “We could put up white and red balloons”, Shisui suggested, understanding the nonverbal communication of the other. “Hand-painting them, or perhaps even paper lanterns, on that training field.”

Itachi nodded, quite fond of the plans of the other. Shisui wasn’t only like his elder brother, he was just as much Sasuke’s, a man who cared deeply for both of them. “It should take place during the evening”, Itachi agreed. “It’d make everything cosier. Besides, just like any Uchiha, Sasuke likes fire – though he’s more prone to using lightning lately.”

Shisui was ordering another cup of jasmine tea, and when he was given it, he smelled it first. One of his curious habits was about to come out, Itachi noted quietly, curious, but actually quite nice. “Your mother”, Shisui stated. “This tea smells like your mother.” A smile lingered on his lips. He liked Mikoto more than Fugaku, though he held a deep respect for Itachi’s father.

“I’ll never forget the day you said Sasuke smelled like cherry blossoms”, Itachi said. “You should’ve seen that girl.” Shisui’s hearty laugh suddenly filled the room again. He had this way of squinting his eyes as dimples appeared in his cheeks, a truly lovable laugh that made even the sternest of people feel warm on the inside.

Itachi dared bet that even Nidaime Hokage wouldn’t be able to resist that smile. The tales of that man’s stoic, cold behaviour were well-known, especially amongst the Uchiha that he had loathed so much, or so their clan said. Itachi wasn’t so sure if everything was so black and white as they made it out to be.

“What I remember most is how she bragged about it to that blonde girl afterwards”, Shisui reminded Itachi. “You know, that pretty thing with the long hair that swoons over your brother as well.” Itachi recalled her very well. He in fact remembered all the children of the academy. When Sasuke was younger, Itachi often went to see how he was doing, and while his brother had no idea, Itachi actually remembered his classmates quite well.

“Yamanaka Ino”, he stated. “From the flower shop”, he then clarified. “She’s pretty indeed, but so is Sakura I think. Not that it matters, though, Sasuke’s not really interested in either of them.” Shisui’s playful smirk suddenly returned to his face, that teasing, lively sparkle in his eyes. Itachi knew what was about to follow, and before his friend could even let out a sound, he said: “No, I’m not interested in them either. Did you forget it was you who brought up their looks?”

That shut up the other, and with a disagreeable mumbling and the assurance that the girls were too young for him too, Shisui declared he wasn’t interested in them either. “I like black haired ones better anyway”, he stated, giving Itachi a sideways glance. A slightly darker colour painted his cheeks as he admitted that. “Anyway, I should get going.”

 

* * *

 

As suddenly as he’d appeared, he was gone, and instead of Shisui’s dark eyes, it were Kisame’s staring at him. “Hello?” his partner asked. “You awake, Itachi-senpai?” He seemed mildly worried but mostly confused. He’d picked up on the weird behaviour of the other, and wondered what the source of it could possibly be.

“I’m fine”, the other one assured with a sigh, feeling the heavy weight of his current life sinking back onto his shoulders. “As fine as I can be.” He took his tea and realized it was cold. Just how long had he been spacing out? Was it even spacing out? He glanced back at the puddle, and the realization crept over him like death’s hand trailing his spine. It wasn’t a dream, but it wasn’t real either. It was an illusion, his own illusion. But now he knew what it was, he knew how to avoid it... and how to trigger it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The blonde shinobi that the tea lady remembers is a minor reference to my other Naruto fanfiction, Gold Dust and a Yellow Flash.


	4. Black cats and good luck

It had been a while since that day, the day Kisame started realizing something was going on. In his eyes, it didn't seem like it was a good thing, however. Itachi's opinion on the matter was something entirely different. Every time the younger one brought up the subject, he brushed it off. Not in a casual way, truth be told, but in his own manner of mysterious phrasing.

It was annoying Kisame more than he cared to let on. It wasn't like he intended for Itachi to realize that he cared, however slight it may be. It felt much like that time where he realized the other one's health was starting to decline. Mild coughing had been the first sign, one that he had ignored until it became a regular given.

But they didn't talk about these things. Why not, really? Itachi never bothered, and when Kisame once dared bring up the subject, he'd dismissed it with a few brief words that indicated he was 'taking care of It', and 'it wouldn't prove an issue'. And it indeed never had been.

However, this time it was. It was trouble when Itachi just stopped to stare at reflecting surfaces, his Sharingan activating like it wasn't controlled by him anymore. Kisame knew the way it wore out the man, and he knew that, if they came across an enemy, he'd not really be battle-ready. It was up to him to watch out and take care, to fight and protect, and truth be told, he never really had been the guy to do so.

The beast with no tails was not a babysit for men older and stronger than himself. And yet look at him now, watching the black haired one from a safe distance as Itachi sat at the lake, staring into the water at his own face, expressionless as a rock. Kisame was leaning against a tree, enjoying the shadow it cast onto him, and watching out for potential danger.

Perhaps just a little push to let Itachi fall over into the water, have him drown... It'd be easy to get rid of him like this. But then again, Kisame respected him too much to stoop to such low backstabbing practices. There had been talks that took place ages ago but still lingered in his head, and there was the desire to fight him straight on still.

 

* * *

 

The quiet surface of the water proved to be one of the best mirrors up until now. Itachi wondered just how much Kisame realized. He'd asked a time or two about what was going on, but as usual, after being brushed off just a few times, he'd stopped asking. He liked that about him, the distance yet not without respect. They weren't friends, but they were a team.

But nothing would tip to the team he formed with Shisui. That birthday party had arrived now, the guests slowly arriving and stacking their gifts around the middle tree trunk on the training field. Many paper lanterns hung in the trees. Itachi was holding a box of his own, his present for his little brother, as Shisui was placing down the one he got.

"Why're you not putting it down?" he wanted to know. Itachi lifted the lid of the box, showing Shisui exactly what was in the box. The other's curious frown turned into a broad grin, digging his hand into the box briefly before quickly pulling it back.

"I see", he judged. "As usual, you're a mad genius with these things. I think yours will be the present he'll appreciate most." Itachi closed the box again, holding it closely as he smiled faintly. That was exactly the point. As Sasuke's brother, he wouldn't let anyone compete with him on getting Sasuke exactly that what he didn't know he sorely wanted.

He looked up then. Most of the guests had already arrived. Kakashi stood talking to Sakura, Yamato as he was called now standing not far from them. Even Tsunade seemed to have made time to come by, although it was perhaps more to keep an eye on Orochimaru, the most risky guest of all. "They should arrive now if Naruto didn't lose the way on the path of life or something", Shisui's voice woke him up. "He's got a great teacher in excuses after all."

But just as he'd said that, Sasuke and Naruto showed up, talking casually to each other, until Sasuke's eyes caught the Uchiha lanterns hanging about. He didn't say anything, but squinted his eyes briefly in suspicion, before he realized what was going on. "Oh." No more came from him, but no more was necessary. "Nii-san..." he started then, asking for an explanation, but Itachi took him by the shoulder and guided him away a little.

"You'd have to open the presents later, but mine doesn't want to wait too long", he said. "I also made sure that you too have a kimono ready, so you and Naruto best make sure to get changed." He put the box in Sasuke's hands, then, poking his forehead in his typical affectionate way. "Happy birthday, foolish little brother", he said with a wide grin.

Sasuke rubbed his forehead before he slid the lid of the box, revealing a small black kitten with miniature Konoha headband, sitting on an old book with paw-prints. "Oh." He dug his hand in the box then, his fingertips brushing across the kitten's soft fur. "Thanks", he said then, looking up at his brother. A smile was dancing on his lips, and Itachi's evening was the greatest he'd had since a long, long while.


	5. Do they know

The night had passed now, and Itachi was seated on the 'party log' as the tree had been dubbed. Shisui was leaning against it. They were both quiet, watching the sun rise in the morning and enjoying the view after a late night party that had been a humongous success. Sasuke was overjoyed, even though he barely showed any sign of it, but had gone home to take care of 'Nekomaru', the very original name he'd given the black cat. Naruto had teased him with it, but as usual, Sasuke had paid no mind to what other people said or thought of him. The other guests had left long before him, and now only the two friends remained.

"Quite the success", Shisui judged, breaking the silence finally as Itachi slipped off the tree. An agreeing noise was all he received, and as he looked to his friend, he realized Itachi was dead tired. A little smile on Shisui's lips made those dimples in his cheeks appear again, and for a few seconds long, it remained. Until he realized that Itachi was looking oddly at him, as if he was... confused.

"Itachi?" he asked, to which the other one suddenly seemed to regain his consciousness. Shisui's hand carefully pressed onto his back. "Come", Shisui urged, guiding him towards the exit. "You look exhausted. I'll take you home so you can rest." Truth be told, he sure could use some sleep as well.

But Itachi shook his head, waving the idea away. "It's probably going to be too noisy to sleep", he explained as he noticed Shisui's little stubborn frown. "You know, with most people having things to do, missions, just work... having lives, in general." He gestured off the road. "I'd much more prefer a quiet walk through the wood", he stated.

Shisui reluctantly agreed. What other choice did he have but to accept when Itachi asked so nicely. But he didn't even ask... Oh, who cares, it's Itachi after all. As they walked beneath the trees side by side, Itachi was looking up at the leaves, watching how the sunlight pierced through. "It's so nice here", he said, a sigh escaping his lips. Shisui yawned, unable to suppress his exhaustion.

"It is", he said then, before looking back at Itachi, who'd stopped walking. He was observing Shisui instead. "What?" Shisui wanted to know, but he didn't get a reply. Instead, Itachi took him gently by his upper arm and put him down against a tree.

"I'd like to sit here with you", he said. Shisui brushed it off. Sure, he was too tired to move anyway. He leant his head against the wood and closed his eyes, thinking of nothing really, when he felt Itachi's head lean onto his shoulder. He gave the other a brief glance, saw his eyes were closed too, and smiled. He closed his eyes again and drifted off into a deep sleep.

 

* * *

 

Hours and hours later, Itachi opened his eyes again, feeling his head pressed into the chest of his best friend, the man's arm resting around his shoulders. Never had he felt so comfortable, he realized as he quietly yawned. He looked up at Shisui and noticed he was still sleeping. "Oi, sleepy", he whispered as he gently pressed a finger into Shisui's jaw. "I think it's more than past time we'd be heading back."

Shisui groaned loudly in protest before he opened his eyes, only to be met with the dark eyes of the other. He sighed and mumbled something about being left to sleep in peace, but when he realized it was already past noon, he was suddenly wide awake. "Oh damn", he stated, slamming his hand into his forehead. "I should've reported back to the Hokage a few hours back."

Itachi let go of him, allowing Shisui to escape. "Hurry it up, Teleporter, she might still forgive you if you don't tally too long", he playfully teased, a smile lingering on his lips. Shisui poked out his tongue and ran, making sure his hours late didn't become days late, or not showing up at all. Itachi was observing his back for a bit, his smile still there, however it was fading.

He wondered if Shisui knew. Of course he realized something, but did he truly know? Itachi stood up. Time to go home, see if Sasuke hadn't managed to kill his cat in some absurd way, for example by exposing it too much to Naruto. Well, Naruto was a good kid, and wouldn't harm the animal, come to think of it. It'd be much more Sasuke's careless nature that would be harmful, but for that they had a mother.

"I'm home", he called out at the door, to which his mother replied from a distance. Itachi slid off his shoes and walked inside, pulling the ribbon out of his hair and letting it fall loosely around his shoulders. "Where's that little brother of mine?" he asked his mother, who just pointed outside. Itachi walked to the door and leant against it, watching how Sasuke was napping on his back with the kitten on top of him.

"They've been playing together for hours", Mikoto told her son. "He kept Sasuke awake last night after that party." She was smiling as she observed her youngest son, before she returned inside to continue her work. Itachi sat down next to them, briefly reaching out for Sasuke's face to brush some of the dark strands of hair out of it. He looked so peaceful like that, one hand folded around the small rear of the kitten that was curled up, the other resting right next to his head.

Did Sasuke know? Itachi wondered, looking over his shoulder at his mother. Did she even know? His hand was still resting on Sasuke's forehead, when he suddenly felt his wrist being touched. "Nii-san? Why're you feeling my forehead?" Sasuke's sleepy voice sounded. "Scared I have a fever?"

Itachi lifted his hand as he looked at his younger brother. "No, just thinking", he said, while Sasuke sat up and cradled the still sleeping kitten in his hands. "It seems you two are hitting it off quite well", Itachi judged as Sasuke placed the cat carefully in his lap.

"He's my Shisui", Sasuke said with a daring grin. That had his brother laugh. Itachi reached out and tickled the cat's hairy stomach, to which the creature stretched and yawned, a high-pitched squirming escaping it.

"He does indeed look like a bit of a fast idiot", Itachi agreed. He stood up then, and looked out over the green grass before them. His eyes met his father's, walking near the lake where he'd been observing some ducks, but now he was on his way back to their house. Did he know? Itachi pondered. His smile had faded a little, and he turned around to walk back inside.

Did anyone know at all? He'd not told anyone. He'd not said a word. Speaking it out loud would make it only all the more real, and he wanted to ignore it, pretending it was a dream. But the medication wasn't a dream, not even a nightmare. It was the cruellest of realities, a clock ticking slowly to announce that he would die long before his time. Did they feel it? Did they, somehow, know?


	6. Afraid of the Dark

Long before midnight, Itachi had found himself in Shisui’s proximity again. The other was training, like usual, and didn’t seem to have noticed him as of yet, but Itachi assumed Shisui in fact had already realized he was there, but didn’t give any signs of it. He threw a kunai, aiming just slightly above Shisui – no need to take unnecessary risks.

It hit the tree and stuck there, but the lack of reaction from his friend indicated that he’d noticed it coming, and judged it wouldn’t hit him anyway. “Good evening to you too, Itachi”, Shisui said as he turned around to face the young man in the trees. Itachi dropped down, landed on his feet and only then looked back at Shisui.

“You shouldn’t try to trick me”, Itachi stated.

“You shouldn’t try to trick me either”, Shisui replied.

 

* * *

 

They were both laughing now, Shisui loud and clear like usual, Itachi only a quiet smile. Their smiles died quickly, though, and Shisui looked at Itachi in silence for a while, before he asked: “How long?” That was a question that took Itachi off guard.

“How long what?” he wanted to know, confused by the sudden change in their conversation. He had several ideas of what Shisui was asking for, but none of them pleased him. How in heaven’s name would he have figured out?

“How long do you have left”, Shisui urged. “And how long have you known? How long were you planning on waiting before you told me anything at all?”

A feeling of guilt crept over the other Uchiha as he realized something he should’ve figured out a long time ago. “Nothing”, he replied then. “Years, and forever.” He looked away, perhaps ashamed, but the hand on his shoulder indicated that he shouldn’t be. “How long?” he then returned the question.

“Since the start”, Shisui replied, understanding what Itachi meant. “Since the first second you acted off I knew something was going on. I broke in and read the records. I know you’re dying, and I know you’re keeping yourself alive as long as you can because you’re afraid.”

Itachi’s silence remained, and Shisui knew he’d hit the mark, like he always did. He grasped the other’s shoulder, digging his fingertips into the younger one’s skin. How frail he could be without showing it. He pulled him closer, until his arms found their way around Itachi’s shoulders entirely, holding him so tightly.

Only then he’d feel Itachi’s arms wrap around him too, holding him as well. The slight trembling, the way he buried his face in Shisui’s shoulder. Shisui knew he was scared, and he knew his words had broken through the shell of utter tranquillity. Itachi didn’t fool him, and even though he kept as still as possible, Shisui knew the silent tears were following the shaking shoulders.

 

* * *

 

"I'm sorry", Itachi eventually whispered, pulling back from the other's embrace. He wiped the back of his hand across his face, avoiding Shisui’s eyes. Shisui however ran his hand through the other’s hair, looking upon him with both pride and pity.

“Don’t be sorry, you’ve got no reason to be”, he assured him. “I’ll stick around”, he promised then. Itachi smiled. Even without that promise, he’d already known that Shisui wouldn’t abandon him. He was the one man that never left any doubt to his loyalty.

 

* * *

 

Itachi was staring at the blurred figure in the mirror. It had been a long while since they’d allowed themselves the comfort of a hostel, if you could call a place like this comfortable. Yet they had a roof over their heads for the night, which was more than they could’ve hoped for since a long while. He batted his eyes a couple of times, but the blur wouldn’t go away. His vision was being sacrificed for his own little escapades, he realized.

He pressed his long fingers against his pale skin, wondering if he felt this cold to everyone. Maybe one day he’d even forget what people looked like, he thought to himself. A glance up verified that his eyesight hadn’t miraculously gotten any better, but it was still sharp enough to recognize the black turning red again.

These trips were like drugs. Beautiful and dangerous, and the cost for them was great. Even though he knew none of this was real, he longed for them more than for anything. Itachi reached out and felt how his fingertips brushed across the cold glass of the mirror. His fingers spread out, and his palm pressed into it.

No, he shouldn’t, he thought to himself, bringing his face closer to the cold surface. But it was like he couldn’t control himself. The bloody red returned once more to his eyes, and right before he found himself once more in that familiar yet strange world, he felt how the touch between his fingers and the glass of the mirror was broken as he lost his consciousness.

 

* * *

 

Kisame heard the soft thud. It had clearly come from the room Itachi stayed in. “Itachi-senpai?” he asked as he stood up. He left his room and softly knocked on the door. No answer. Kisame repeated his call, slightly louder, and even louder, and when he still didn’t receive an answer, he decided to enter, only to see the Uchiha lying down on his back, in the middle of the room, with his pitch black hair spread out around him like he was crowned by the darkness itself.

He knelt down, and reached out for him, but then he noticed the red in his eyes. He carefully placed him onto the futon. What was going on? He’d never heard of the Sharingan activating itself, and neither of its user passing out like this. He closed Itachi’s eyes, making sure they wouldn’t dry out and damage his sight even more.

He needed to find help, but who could explain anything like this? And they didn’t have many allies out there either that could actually help. The Lady Tsunade wouldn’t be persuaded that easily. He knelt and sat down next to the unconscious man. There was nothing to be done but wait and, something Kisame could barely understand, pray.


	7. The weasel and the cat

“Awake?” The familiar voice of Shisui was calm and gentle as ever. Nothing could knock him off his collected way of going about. Itachi nodded and smiled faintly. He briefly recalled how Shisui had soothed him before, and now he was doing so again.

“Shisui”, he started, the taste of the other’s name one so strange on his lips right now. “Thank you. For… being there. Like you are always there for me when I need you.” He could curse himself for sounding so silly, but it seemed the message he’d wanted to give had come across, for Shisui’s hand slid to the back of Itachi’s neck.

“Don’t think much of it”, Shisui urged the younger one, pulling him closer as he looked at his face. “Even though you may not realize it yourself, you’re also always there for me when I need you.” A smile cracked on Itachi’s lips, but it faded soon after when he realized the other wasn’t smiling with him. Was something wrong?

But there wasn’t. Not really. Shisui had almost closed his eyes as he leant closer, his lips tenderly closing in on to those of the other Uchiha. He was careful and hesitant, uncertain whether he was allowed to kiss him or not. Itachi noticed how he didn’t want to do this without his permission, and that smile cracked once more onto his face.

It’s alright, he found himself to think, yet no words came over his lips. Instead, he pressed them softly onto those of the other, and his eyes slipped shut as well, while his arms slowly wrapped around Shisui’s neck, and his fingers dug into the pitch black locks. It was a short kiss, and yet it felt like a thousand years in that one brief second.

When they let go of each other, Shisui’s cheeks had turned a mildly darker colour, and Itachi started laughing, perhaps from being nervous, but also because Shisui looked so baffled. “Let’s… not tell anyone just yet”, Shisui murmured, taking his gaze off the other’s face. Itachi’s laughter subsided, and he pressed a gentle kiss on Shisui’s cheek.

“If that is what you wish, then that’s what we’ll do”, Itachi promised, his hand resting on Shisui’s. He leant closer again, and their lips once more touched. This time, it would be a kiss longer than that brief second they’d shared before, and even though it was a second time, it felt none the less precious.

 

* * *

 

Sasuke quietly backed away. What he’d seen shocked him, and somehow, he wanted to turn around and run back home as fast as he could. But the shock had also frozen his limbs. He couldn’t just run away. He’d not expected any of this to happen. How could it? How could this … be? How could Itachi hide something like that from him?

But as shocked as he was, he felt his emotions subside, and found within himself the reason why. He, too, would keep quiet about something like that. Instead of backwards, he now moved forward, holding Nekomaru in his right hand, the small black paws slipping between his fingers. “Sorry to interrupt”, he announced his presence, to which Itachi and Shisui so quickly let go of each other that Shisui dropped down.

“Sasuke”, Itachi’s voice rung through his ears. “I… had not noticed you here.”

“Seems you were preoccupied with something else”, Sasuke’s sly remark came, though his expression didn’t change a bit. Shisui however remained quiet, looking up at the two brothers. It was clear Sasuke was upset about something. No matter how cool and collected his expressions were, these two could read him like a book, for they both felt like brothers to him.

“What’s the matter?” Itachi asked, briefly scraping his throat to get a hold of himself again. He hoped Sasuke’s being upset had nothing to do with him and Shisui.

“You dying and not telling, maybe?” Sasuke suggested, placing Nekomaru on his shoulder so he could cross his arms and give the other a dark, angered glare. But then he snapped. “When were you planning on telling anyone else? When you were already gone and buried?”

Itachi’s silence remained for a bit, but then a sigh escaped him and he averted his eyes from the younger one. “I’m sorry, Sasuke”, he apologized quietly. “I should’ve told you first.”

“I don’t care about first or second, I care about you telling or not.” An agreeing meow sounded from Nekomaru, who was trying to get on top of Sasuke’s head rather than to remain on his shoulder. “If I had known… anything at all, I would’ve had the chance to… think about it”, Sasuke objected to Itachi’s words. “Like you and Shisui. Hell, everyone with eyes in their head sees that one coming.”

Now Shisui reddened slightly. “Don’t be so harsh on him, Sasuke”, he urged the young one as he finally got back on his feet. He rested his hand on the other’s shoulder, squeezing it softly. “You’d understand why he hid it, wouldn’t you?” Shisui asked softly. And even though Sasuke didn’t answer, they knew what his answer would’ve been.

“I’m sorry, Itachi”, he said then, looking at his brother as Shisui lifted his hand and let Sasuke escape from his grasp.

“It’s okay”, Itachi spoke then. “I would be angry too were I in your place. I should have told you about it, but honestly, I do not know how to cope with it myself.” He couldn’t bring himself to speak of it more than that, and instead turned his gaze to Shisui, in the hope that his new lover would jump in to rescue him from this situation.

Shisui saw that gaze, and knew that it was his cue. “Let’s go get a tea and some dango, shall we?” he quickly proposed. Itachi’s smile announced that he loved that idea, which he confirmed with a nod.

“Uh, fine”, Sasuke sighed as he picked the cat from his head. “Blending in up there?” he asked as he brought its face to his own. “You’re a little butt, you know that”, he could be heard saying to the animal. “Just like my brother.”


	8. Too much information

A loud, agonized gasp sounded, waking Kisame from his pondering. He shot up, scooting forward to see Itachi’s eyes, black as the night once more, even though a trail of blood had dried down on his cheek. “Itachi”, he exclaimed, relieved to see the other awake again, but still worried about his health. “What happened?”

A groan sounded, and Itachi got up, turning his back on the other. “Nothing for you to be worried about”, he said, even though he already knew Kisame’s frown was on his face, worrying about it. It wasn’t a laughing matter, they both knew, but Itachi refused to involve him.

It was something personal, and even though they got along just fine as colleagues, Itachi preferred to avoid the personal stuff. Not only on his own side, for that matter. He did not wish to get involved with the potential problems of his colleague either. They had a job to do, and nothing should stand in the way of that job.

“Let it slide, Kisame”, Itachi’s stern voice warned the other not to inquire any further. Case closed. “You look like you could get some rest”, Itachi tried somewhat gentler then. “You’ve been up for quite a while.” Up sitting there, watching him, slightly creepy, but also mildly… nice. Not a word Itachi would usually put in the same sentence as ‘Kisame’, but here they were.

“Yeah”, Kisame admitted as he got back on his feet, his height towering over Itachi’s frailer, smaller figure. “Just eh… give a call if you need any help”, he muttered as he turned to the door, heading back for his own room. “Or want to talk.”

Itachi thanked him for the offer, already knowing he’d not rely on Kisame. It wasn’t a matter of trust; it was a matter of privacy. He already dragged himself to the bed, tugging at his collar to catch his breath more properly. God, this had been quite a ride, and he’d need to be so much more careful with this.

It seemed he couldn’t be just woken up by calls from the outside anymore, which could mean his illusion was getting stronger, or he was getting weaker. Or, of course, a combination of both. He closed his eyes and slipped his arms above his head, one leg up as he wiggled his other foot restlessly.

Even though it hadn’t been real, he could remember that one kiss more vividly than most of the things he’d gone through. His impending death, even in that other universe, couldn’t be bothered with. It’s not like it wasn’t realistic, after all. There was a tingle on his lips. Like a static that wouldn’t let him go.

With a soft cuss, Itachi sat up again, reaching out for his lips. He touched them softly, rubbing his skin with his fingertips to get the strange tingling gone. He glanced to the side, at the window. It appeared to be dark outside. He couldn’t see anything, except his own reflection in the blackness of the glass – dark hair loosely resting over his shoulders, terrifyingly pale skin, unhealthy as it looked, and a red eye.

His eyes widened. He’d not chosen to activate the illusion at this time, it was too soon after. But he couldn’t turn his gaze away anymore, and softly he could feel the slumber washing over him again, like before.

 

* * *

 

“Itachi, you’ve been staring at your tea for ten minutes now. It’s probably cold already”, Shisui prodded his friend. Itachi quickly looked up, finding himself once more in the familiar tea shop. Sasuke sat next to him, his dark eyes focused on his brother, while his hands were playing with the kitten in his lap. A shop filled with cats seemed like a great idea for some reason.

“Ah, sorry”, Itachi said, before weaving a quick set of signs. A very small fireball heated up his tea, much to Shisui’s amusement.

“You truly know how to put the arts of being a shinobi to good use”, Shisui teased.

“Domesticated shinobi”, Sasuke repeated slowly. “Itachi in anbu-uniform and with an apron. That’s something I’d like to see someday.” But that remark got him a soft pat against the back of his head.

“In your dreams, Sasuke”, Itachi firmly decided. “I’m not going to be your maid in an apron.” Sasuke grinned as he rubbed his hand through his hair. The playful glances he gave his brother were being returned, and it was almost as if their little quarrel from before hadn’t happened at all. Neither of them wished to address it, after all.

And what was there more to say? Sasuke now knew, Itachi was dying. Itachi knew that Sasuke knew, but there wasn’t much more to add to it really. He couldn’t ease his brother’s pain, and his brother couldn’t miraculously cure him.

Itachi picked up the cup of tea and sipped from it. Hot as ever. He noticed Shisui observing the two of them. It was nice to see he looked out for them at all times. Their eyes met, and Shisui’s cheeks coloured quite briefly a slightly darker shade, but as their gazes lingered, he understood Itachi had a request.

It was when Itachi brought his eyes upon his younger brother again that Shisui understood. When Itachi was gone, Sasuke would be missing an older brother, but he would still have Shisui, and Shisui would still have Sasuke. What Itachi was asking him was to take care of the younger one. A soft nod was all that was needed to put Itachi’s mind at ease for a little while longer.

The three of them got up. “How about we go do a little training together?” Itachi suggested, wrapping his arm around Sasuke’s shoulder. Damn him for getting so much bigger so fast. Sasuke glanced to the side, and even though he maintained that cool gaze that had to appear not too interested, Itachi knew he’d poked a sensitive spot of his brother’s.

“Sure, why not”, Sasuke accepted, just like Itachi predicted he would. “I’ll go drop off Nekomaru at home then, though. He’s not a ninja-cat after all.” Itachi gave him a short nod.

“Be quick about it then”, Shisui rushed him. “We’ll wait here for you, slow-poke.”

“It’s not because you happen to be faster than most, everyone else has to be slow”, Itachi said, placing his hands on his hips as he watched Sasuke dash off with a mildly alarmed cat in his arms. “You do know Sasuke and I aren’t exactly slow, so don’t tease him about it.”

“Well if you can tease him, why can’t I?” Shisui complained, looking at Itachi with risen eyebrows.

“You forget he’s my brother, not yours?” Itachi’s snarky reply-question came.

“I didn’t forget. He just feels like my brother too, as do you, a little”, Shisui shrugged. “Besides, if you’re planning to drop dead and then substitute his older brother for me…”

But for that answer, he was rewarded with a rough punch in the upper arm. “I’m not planning to ‘drop dead’. Don’t make jokes about that”, Itachi’s disgruntled voice came. “You may be my best friend, but I can still strangle you.”

“You sure you can reach my neck- It appears you can. Let go Itachi you’re choking me!”

By the time Sasuke returned to the two, they’d reconciled and pretended nothing had happened, though the younger Uchiha noticed the crooked clothes and his brother’s slightly messier ponytail. He squinted his eyes, observing them in silence for a bit. “What did I miss?” he asked after a short while. “Rough, violent making out or a fight?”

But before either of them could say anything, Sasuke waved it away. “Don’t want to know”, he corrected his earlier question. “There’s a thing called ‘too much information’.”


	9. A life without

It was already late at night. The sun had set, and the moon was out. Big and white it shone its pale light upon the grass and lake below. Itachi was leaning on the windowsill, staring at the beautiful scenery outside. He enjoyed the darkness, but even more so he enjoyed the sight of the play of light that the moon granted him to see.

“Itachi, are you going to stand there all night long?” Shisui’s tired voice sounded, waking him up from his mesmerized staring. He turned around to look over his shoulder, his long, black hair loose for a change, and not messy enough to indicate he’d actually slept, unlike the mess that was his lover’s hair. He smiled faintly at Shisui, who’d pushed himself up on one elbow, the covers slightly sliding off him.

“If you’re going to come out there and come closer to get me to come back to bed, maybe I will”, Itachi teased, knowing fully well Shisui wasn’t wearing a shirt. It’d make him cold, but even more so, it’d expose the sight those covers were hiding for Itachi to see. With a light snort to Shisui’s little frown, Itachi came closer, leaning over the other to press a kiss on his forehead. “All right”, he softly said, sliding next to him to curl up against Shisui’s warm chest. “I’ll stay right here all night.”

It was that comment that had Shisui snigger slightly. “Pervert”, he whispered in Itachi’s ear, before stealing his earlobe between his lips. He left a few wet kisses behind, that forced Itachi to rub his ear until it turned red, trying to dry it off, but each time he managed to, Shisui would land another kiss there, and sometimes even just licking him.

“Stop that”, Itachi said, pressing his hand flat in Shisui’s face. “I thought you were asking me to sleep, not to be bullied and licked.”

“Hmm, maybe you’re right”, Shisui teased, wrapping his arms tightly around Itachi to pull him closer. He buried his nose in the soft black locks then. “Honestly”, he started with a soft sigh as he backed away just slightly to catch Itachi’s eyes with his own gaze “I’d rather die before you did.” Itachi’s strange glance in response to that asked for more explanation, and with a sigh Shisui gave in to that demand. “I can’t begin to imagine what it’d be like, living without you.”

 

* * *

 

Itachi shot up, his hair falling in front of his face. “God”, he groaned, pressing his hand into his face. What had woken him this time? A quick glance around the room verified it hadn’t been Kisame. He slipped out of the bed, walking towards the washing basin. He quickly splashed some cold water in his face. A life without him. He wondered what it’d be like, to that imaginary Shisui.

But why did he care so much? An unreal world, an unreal man. That wasn’t Shisui, and that wasn’t him. Reality was too different. It was a mess, really, and he couldn’t understand why a mess like that mattered so much to him. Although… It didn’t. Not anymore, at least.

His mirage was solemnly staring back at him. The time had come to finish what he’d started. In this world, a life without him wouldn’t be a bad life, he figured. A faint smile danced over his lips.


	10. I'm sorry, Sasuke

He staggered forward, one step at a time. It was hard breathing like this, the taste of iron on his lips and the warm touch of blood he’d coughed up earlier. It stuck to his hand as well, his skin feeling strange underneath. His brother didn’t move, too terrified perhaps. His little brother whom he’d promised his parents to protect, and in a way, he had. Sorry, Sasuke. He longed to tell him that.

Sasuke’s forehead was burning hot. They were both covered in sweat, he noticed. His fingers slowly slid down, leaving a giant red mark on Sasuke’s forehead and a slightly thinner trail of Itachi’s own blood running down his nose, cheek, chin. He could feel his power fading. Sorry, Sasuke. It kept echoing through his head, memories flashing through his mind, countless moments fleeting past. His little brother being just that, and him being a big brother. He missed it.

“I’m sorry, Sasuke”, he whispered, his voice nearly breaking but somehow he made it. “This is the last time.” A roar announced Itachi’s Sussanoo breaking down behind them. It was then his eyes were getting darker and darker, his vision so blurry. Sasuke’s face was the last thing he’d seen clearly with those eyes, those eyes that had brought him a little light in a mass of darkness. He’d gotten to see Shisui again, gotten to hear him, to tell him thousands of things he never had had the chance to. It wasn’t real, he knew, but it had been good nonetheless.

The harsh wall smacked into his face, and roughly he came down on his back, his vision gone. He could not see the sky any longer, and he could not see his brother standing next to him. But he could hear the sudden thunderclap, and feel the droplets of rain on his skin. Sasuke, I’m sorry. The thought crossed his mind again. He should have been able to tell him, but he knew it could not have been any other way than this one.

The sound of thunder and rain had stopped. Or rather, he’d stopped hearing them. It wouldn’t be long now, he knew, though it probably hadn’t been long at all since he’d fallen. Time seemed to have slowed down, and so did he. Ah, Sasuke, the only thing of real value he left behind. How he wished he could’ve taken _real_ care of his younger brother. Giving him the kitten to care for, celebrating his birthday, watching him train… pat his head and tell him how much he’d grown.

But he couldn’t. He couldn’t revoke what he’d done, what had happened. I’m sorry, Sasuke, so sorry. But this was the way it had to be. There was nothing else he could do, and in the end… Perhaps he would finally see Shisui. He didn’t regret dying. There was nothing left for him here now. Sasuke had grown strong, and he was proud, so proud of him.

With a thud his limp body fell to the ground. He couldn’t see anything anymore, his dark eyes blankly staring at the sky, droplets starting to fall on his skin, but he couldn’t feel those, couldn’t hear the rain ticking onto the concrete rubble he laid on. And yet he saw something, light in front of him, he could smell the sweetness of dango and tea, and a voice… the laughter of his friend ringing in his ears. Sasuke, he thought once again. I’m sorry for everything.


End file.
